I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
