i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
