Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
