physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
