I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
