Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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