I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
