I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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