I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
