During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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