God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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