Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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