and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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