So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
