Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
