help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
