he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
