Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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