Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
