i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
