Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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