I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
