the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
