Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
