She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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