sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
