the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
