I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
