You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
