Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
