Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
