either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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