If that was your dad, he is hot
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
