So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
