he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
