I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
