Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
