I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
