Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
