We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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