Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
