If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
