i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
