I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
