where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Randomize
