I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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