So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
