That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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