when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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