my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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