whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
