The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
